shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
