the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My ATM looks so different sober.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize