I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
