why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
