I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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