just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
