If i come over, it means nothing
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
