I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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