Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
