Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He better not be in your backpack
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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