I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
