I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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