I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize