I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize