Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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