There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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