1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
