Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
COCAINE IS GR8
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
