the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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