what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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