I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
