you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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