That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
