Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
