Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
