u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
