i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
