my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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