I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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