yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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