it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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