I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
