If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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