I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
