we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
