I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
