im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
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