I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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