i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
