Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize