That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We talked him into tasing himself.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
