So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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