I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
