FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
