so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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