remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
