Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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