you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
