Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
