I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Is Oprah even human
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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