Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
