My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
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