I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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