Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
