im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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