i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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