this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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