if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize