You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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