Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
