i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
