exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
