im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
