my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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