Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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