I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
