i just google imaged poop.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
