Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
