I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
