3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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