oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
When are your genitals available?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
