If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize