Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
