I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
