why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Fuck appropriateness.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
