so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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