I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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