I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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